


Touched

by notcoolenoughtobehere



Series: Two The Host Fanfics I wrote for some reason??? [1]
Category: The Host (2013), The Host - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff, Found Family, Friendship, I cannot explain, Trauma, Yes this is a Host fanfic in the year of our lord 2021, heal fic, honestly??? What is this??? I don’t know what happened???, kind of, polyamorous shenanigans, uh. Read if you dare?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:35:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29668071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notcoolenoughtobehere/pseuds/notcoolenoughtobehere
Summary: They all love Wanda differently.
Relationships: Ian O'Shea/Wanderer, Jared Howe & Ian O’Shea, Jared Howe & Wanderer, Jared Howe/Melanie Stryder, Jared Howe/Melanie Stryder/Ian O’Shea/Wanderer, Melanie Stryder & Ian O’Shea, Melanie Stryder & Wanderer
Series: Two The Host Fanfics I wrote for some reason??? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2180127
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	Touched

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Two Bedrooms in the Same House](https://archiveofourown.org/works/938130) by [disco_vendetta (brinn)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brinn/pseuds/disco_vendetta). 



> Ok so I had already started this when I read the fic by disco_vendetta but golly it probably would not have been completed if that fic did not straight up put fire in my soul. Amazing fic. Would die for the writer. Anyway.

They all love Wanda differently. 

For Mel it is the strangest. It is loving a person like a part of herself. It is more than sisterhood, really. She knows her Wanderer better than she has ever known any one - better than she will ever know any one. Mel is certain that, in a game of chess, she would be able to tell Wanda's moves six steps in advance. It is like Wanda's mind is still overlapping hers, like they're still in the same body. They move in sync, like a practiced ballet. 

For Jared it is disorienting. For weeks, he saw her use the body of the girl he loves. She was Melanie but not Melanie. Wanda was the face that he loved pulling expressions he'd never seen before, rendering her worse than a stranger. Wanda was the body he knew made unknown, detangling from Mel into a skeleton and limbs and movements that were foreign and wrong and then - then, somewhere along the way, even though it was still Mel's body, Wanda became Wanda. Shining eyes. Kindness. Not Mel. But, oh, painfully beautiful. 

For Ian it is indescribable. This soul, this alien, taking over the earth, plucking his heart out of his chest like it is the simplest thing in the world. And he trusts her with it. He trusts her with everything. It is too much for words. But he thought that he knew, that Mel's body wasn't her. He thought he would be prepared, too see Mel as her own person. But when Mel began walking around, it felt like some sort of horror movie - like she had possessed Wanda's body, not the other way around. Sometimes Ian almost burns with want for Melanie to look at him and have those shining silver irises. 

Sometimes, Mel and Jared want that, too. 

It's very confusing. 

-

Mel and Jared are kissing like they haven't in a year. 

She's angry. Wanda has been in a cryotank for a week, and she hates it so much she wants to cry and scream and hurt something so instead she's touching Jared and waiting for his wildfire to eat it up. 

It's working. 

Jared's hands are pushing at the bottom of her shirt, tracing along the bare skin of her hips, his lips kissing down her jaw. As her hands tighten in his hair, he inhales sharply, but it is not in pain. 

"I love you, Wanda," he breathes, all warmth and want. 

Melanie doesn't notice for too long. She kisses him, still diffusing her anger into the passion. She presses into him, wanting their bodies to become one, wanting to feel him, really feel him, like she's only felt - 

She jerks back, suddenly, pushing him away. "What did you say?" 

Jared blinks at her, breathless and confused. 

"What?" 

"Just now. What did you say?" 

"I said 'I love you, Mel.'" 

"No, you didn't. You said 'I love you, Wanda.'" 

He scoffs. "No, I didn't." 

But he seems unconvinced. His skin flushes uncomfortably. So does Mel's. 

So, she starts kissing him again, and the wildfire burns. 

It takes several more minutes before, hands tangling in her hair, Jared breaks their kiss. 

"I only said it because she was you," he says angrily, "because she loved me when she was you." 

Mel is too busy pushing at the collar of his shirt. Rushedly, she says, "I know, I know." 

And so. But less than a minute later she says - 

"But you love her." 

"I don't know. I don't know. I love you, Mel. I love you more than everything." 

"Okay. Okay, okay." 

-

She is a tiny silver worm in a cryotank. 

Ian is unsure and awkward, for the first few days. He can barely bring himself to touch the cryotank. It is not because it shows what she really is. 

What she really is. Ian held her in his hands. Touched her for the first time. And it was like he knew her, finally. Wanda is a feeling. He has touched her. Not even Jared has ever really touched her. Only Melanie had gotten closer than that. 

But originally Ian does not like the cryotank because it is so cold. Too cold. He cannot bear the thought of Wanda inside of it. If she can feel anything - does she feel like she's been buried? 

As the days go on, though, Ian finds himself clinging to her. It is the closest he can really get. It is almost like touching her. 

Except that it is not, even a little. 

His hands are always cold, because of it. He will not let go.

-

Mel finds him. 

"You're always touching her," she says. It sounds like an accusation.

Ian's frigid hands tighten on the cryotank. 

"Technically," Ian replies, "I'm never touching her." 

Melanie sits down on the ground next to him, their backs pressed up against the wall. Her fingers itch. She looks at the silver cryotank - something she hasn't touched since the first time she woke up. Wanda is inside of it. 

They had not spoken much, since Mel woke up. Whenever they meet, Mel finds herself tightening up, making herself taller, daring him to find Wanda in the way she stands, the way she moves. She does not think he has been able to find any trace of her, yet. She does not like it.

Ian is not looking at her. He's gazing, simple and quiet, at the cryotank's red light. It illuminates his face from the bottom.

"What was it like?" he asks, finally, "To be her?" 

After a second, Mel decides on the truth. 

"It hurt like hell," she says. She pushes her hair back from her face. 

"You're lying. Damn it, Melanie, it's _Wanda_." 

Mel finally, in a rush like she's afraid Ian will stop her, reaches forward, pressing her palm to the cryotank. 

"I'm not lying. It was like a constant headache. She pressed in from all sides. It was terrifying." 

Ian is silent for a long moment. "I'd give anything to be with her like that." 

Without hesitation, Mel replies, "Me, too." 

It does not feel like Wanda. Mel takes her hand away. 

-

Jared focuses on finding a body. 

It will be easier, when she has a different face. When there is a Wanda and a Mel. Then it will be simple to see the truth - that it was never Wanda, that it was just a body. 

He is certain. 

Ian won't talk about it. 

"Whatever," Jared huffs angrily one day, looking at Ian's hands clinging to Wanda's cryotank and swallowing a surge of an inexplicable emotion, "You're being melodramatic, O'Shea. I was asking you what you think she'd want." 

Ian shrugs wordlessly. 

"Short? Tall? Do you think she'll want to look like she has a hero complex, or is she trying to keep that under wraps?" 

Ian glares and shrugs again. 

"So you wouldn't care if I got a balding middle age man?" 

He says this vehemently. He had been thinking about it. Ian looks up at him, the glare relaxing. Quietly, holding the cryotank like it's Mel, Ian replies, "Would you?" 

Jared leaves the room. 

Jaime is right about Jared. He cannot see Wanda, separate from Mel. When he thinks of Wanda, it is Mel's face - the stranger face that Mel wore, looking so different, somehow. He cannot imagine her otherwise. 

But he does want, something. He wants her to look breakable. 

At first, it's because he's angry. He wants her to embody the biggest difference between her and Mel. She is weak. She was only borrowing strength. But the anger fades and the desire sticks under his skin like glue. He wants her to look breakable because - because then people won't break her. 

It is ridiculous. 

-

Mel tries to find her. 

She must be there. Like a footprint in cement. There is some - there must be some lingering trace of her in Mel's mind. 

No one can be just _touched_ like that without keeping something of the other person. There is Wanda inside of her. She just has to find it. She stands in total darkness, in total silence, waiting to hear Wanda's voice. 

It doesn't come. It never comes. 

She is alone, after all. 

-

The body has blonde hair and freckles. She seems so strangely pale, too pale for this desert. 

Mel, Ian, and Jared all look at it speculatively. Short. Small. Jared had seen something in the expression, back when he found it, but that's all missing now. 

It has been a week. This body is empty. So, this will be it. 

Ian holds her, again. His hands are shaking. The small, silver parasite slowly dances into the cut in the back of the neck. She takes in a breath. Silver eyes open. The heart trips on itself. 

And it's her. 

-

In a human body it is easier and harder. 

Melanie takes her hands. She still feels like they are her own, even though they are not. Wanda lets her tangle their fingers together all the time - eating, working, sometimes even sleeping. It takes a long time for Wanda to really look at her. It must be so strange, to see your own body walking around without you. 

Jared thinks the body he found is perfect. It does look like Wanda. And things do change. He stops looking for Wanda in Mel's eyes. But he keeps - damn, damn, damn it - he keeps looking for Wanda. He tells himself it is because Wanda was Mel for so long. He tells himself it is because, for so many months, Wanda being safe meant Mel was alive. He tells himself many things. He kisses Mel. 

Ian gets to touch her. And he does, always. It is strange because, somehow, it is still different from touching her, from _really_ feeling her in the palms of his hands. But this body is warm and it moves and touches and can hold him back. After three days, he finally looks more at Wanda than at Mel. It helps that Wanda and Mel are always so close - he can more easily see all of the things that make Wanda herself, when Mel is there showing everything that does not. 

It breaks like a dam and suddenly, one day, while Wanda is bathing in the caves, they can speak about it.

"You were the same person," Jared says, holding Mel's hand tight in his. "You were the same person. You know her." 

They are in one of their rooms. The work day is over. 

Mel nods. Ian shuffles on his feet, empty hands fiddling with each other. He wonders why he is here.

"Do you miss it?" Jared asks, eagerly, wildly, "Do you miss having her with you? Being with her like that?" 

Mel nods. It is tired. It is hesitant, confessional, excruciating. 

"Do you?" Ian asks, his quiet question falling to the ground with heavy weight. 

Jared turns to look at him. "What do you mean, Ian?" 

"Do you miss being with her like this? Do you miss her loving you?" 

Jared flinches like Ian hit him. Melanie and Ian look at him, both expectant, both already knowing the answer. 

"I love Mel," he says. 

Ian nods. 

"Do you think she is happy?" Mel asks when the room falls into silence for too long. 

"Yes." This is from Ian. It is soft and assured. Jared's jaw tightens. 

-

Mel can remember being afraid of Jared. 

It doesn't come until late at night when the darkness from the cave presses around them like an actual presence and they're lying in their bed. There is a moment where Mel worries that Jared is not asleep and her heart thunders in her chest and her head throbs where he had once shoved her into a rock. 

When those moments happen, she carefully leaves the bed. Wanda meets her in the cave trail just outside the mess hall and they sit, only sometimes speaking, until Mel's skin is saturated in safety. 

-

It had been weeks, since Wanda became this person. Or since this person became Wanda. For the first few days, Mel stayed with her. Wanda wouldn't say anything - she was too unsure and afraid it might hurt Ian's feelings - but it was almost impossible to sleep without slowly being weaned off of the person she had shared her mind with for so long. Melanie knows this, because she had to. She made it easier for Wanda, and, eventually, she was able to move seamlessly to Ian's room, after the rains.

But there are some nights. When it is too alone. 

“I’m sorry,” Wanda chokes out between hysterical sobs, “I’m sorry it’s just it is just it’s just that it’s so _quiet_.” 

Mel is grateful Wanda doesn’t notice the two men, standing just outside of the light. Ian and Jared, wide-eyed, watch the scene, their bodies tense. Ian’s left foot shuffles forward. Mel shakes her head at him. 

Wanda holds her arms tightly to her chest, trying to stop the shaking. 

“I’m here, Wanderer,” Mel promises. 

“It’s not there,” Wanda wails softly, “this memory - I thought, I don’t know. I felt like it was mine, but it’s not there. And I know it’s not mine, I know it’s yours, but I keep looking for it and it s all empty - ”

Mel holds her arm tightly around the tiny figure, and Wanda leans into the touch until her head jerks in a double take towards the doorway. 

She scrambles to her feet. “Jared,” she exclaims, panic obvious in her tone, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean -” Wanda pauses, surprised and dismayed, as she notices Ian - “didn’t mean to wake everyone up,” she finishes, whispering so quietly they can barely hear. 

Jared is the first one to step forward. “It’s nothing,” he dismisses. 

“Please,” Wanda continues, wiping quickly at her face, “I’m fine. Go back to sleep.” 

“Wanda.” 

One of them says this. It makes Wanda break, again, falling with shaky legs down to the ground. 

They all hold her. Each other. It’s a mess of limbs and emotion and none of them really know what’s happening but Wanda falls asleep, like that, and after hours they part in their separate directions, saying their goodbyes in silent nods of understanding. 

Something has dissolved.

-

They all love Wanda. It does not matter how. 

It is like an open wound, sometimes. Like a raw, broken connection fraying in too many directions. Other times, it is like a net, winding and weaving in a sprawling pattern of protection. 

Wanda presses her fingertips to Mel’s. She sits beside Jared, pressing the sides of their bodies together like an embrace. She kisses Ian, when she can reach him. 

She loves them, and it is family, and that is all that matters.


End file.
